Reflections on my First Trip to America – How This ‘Holiday’ Shaped my Career and Identity

I started out by writing a post for Instagram to share some photos of my first trip to America, but as I was writing it I realised that this ‘holiday’ was actually so much more than that. It was a trip that changed a lot for me, which was something I was so sceptical of being a thing…I thought that people go on holiday for a break from the monotony of life and to have a nice time with friends/family, not totally change their perspective on the world.

I’ll give you an advanced warning on this one, it may come across a little clichéd and cheesy but it’s really hard for me to describe this any other way. I came back from that trip a different person, which catapulted me into my journey in motorsport and the life that I’m building for myself to this day. This is the main reason I wanted to share this, because it was a life lesson in handling my grief whilst moulding me into the person that I am today.

So here it goes…

Nine years ago I was just getting back home after a trip which on reflection was definitely the spark for my passion for exploring the world, and a huge shift in my outlook on life. I’d always been lucky to go on loads of holidays around Europe and the UK, but my first exploration of the rest of the world was in March 2012.

One of my great pals was doing a year of university in Maine, which seemed like the perfect excuse to get over to America for the first time. I flew out on my own on my first long haul flight, and after travel chaos I spent the first night in NYC by myself in a Holiday Inn at the airport! My friend’s flight was delayed until the next day and I didn’t want to travel across NYC alone late at night…for those who’ve been you know how much of a hassle the transit is from JFK into central Manhattan!

We spent a few days exploring New York, where we did all of the bucket list tourist activities; go up the Empire State Building, marvel at Times Square at night, walk around Central Park, take a boat trip to the Statue of Liberty and of course sampling the amazing American food (and coffee!). It was a real whistle-stop tour of all the must-see NYC sights, and it definitely gave me a taster of what the city (and country) had to offer.

After our time in NYC we jumped on a Greyhound bus to Boston for the rest of the week, as we both wanted to see another city in our time together. I have such fond memories of Boston – we both absolutely loved the historic side to the city and the beautiful houses and buildings that were scattered around everywhere. This is somewhere I haven’t been back to yet, but it’s high on my list because it was a fascinating super cool place to visit!

After our week was up, we headed in our separate ways as my friend made her way back up to Maine University. As I was trying to do the trip as cheap as possible I’d booked return flights from New York, so I made my way back alone on the bus to NYC and navigated my way over to JFK airport. I was only 20 years old, and looking back I’m so proud of my past self that I did all that on my own!

Now here comes the cheesy part…

I can still remember to this day the shift in my perspective on life, which came to me when I was on that Greyhound bus back to NYC. I’d had the best time with my friend, I felt like I’d unlocked a new part of myself and I really fell head-over-heels for the American dream. I knew I needed to be brave and chase my dreams, and in that moment I felt there was no limit to what I could get out of this life.

I can still tell you the playlist that I had on at the time, which was full of bands I was so into at the time like Hinder, Theory of a Deadman and Nickelback. (I still love these bands, but you know, guilty pleasures and all that!). I can remember the feeling when I was staring out of the window lapping up the American countryside and watching the awesome cars/trucks go past me. One Hinder song came on and I can remember the hairs standing up on the back of my neck and my eyes welling up with tears. I have had a couple of moments like this in my life which have felt like such overwhelming indescribable emotions, that come out of nowhere and hit you around the back of the head.

“Go for it, run toward it, dive in headfirst,

Live life with no regret,

Put your heart out there, don’t be scared, you might get hurt,

But it’s all worth it in the end,

‘Cause the best is yet to come.”

The Best is Yet to Come – Hinder

When I got back home, I was a different person without a doubt. The trip came just 3 months after I had lost my Dad, and it felt like a huge part of the healing process for me. In that moment on the bus I knew I had to make him proud instead of being swallowed up by my grief. Instead of feeling like my identity would always be “the girl who lost her Dad” and that I would be sad forever, I realised that spending my life in mourning would be the absolute last thing that he would have wanted.

Everyone’s journey with grief is totally different, which is why it’s such a hard thing to go through yourself but also see your friends/family go through. For me, that feeling on the bus was the moment I knew that I needed to chase the dreams that my Dad had always been so supportive of – I knew that I wanted to make him proud with my achievements. Since that day, that has been an underlying purpose for me which carries me through life and keeps me pushing myself to do everything I can to do his name proud.

At the time of my trip, I was working as a motorcycle mechanic at a Ducati dealership which I was enjoying, but my lifelong dream had always been to work in Moto GP. Well, specifically be Valentino Rossi’s crew chief, but you get the idea! Motorsport was always the end goal for me.

I spent the first weekend I was back home emailing all of the teams I could find contact details for in the British Superbike paddock, desperate to start my journey in the world of motorsport. I will never forget Julia from CN Racing who gave me my breakthrough opportunity into the BSB paddock, who hired me with no past racing experience but gave me a chance anyway. Within a month of returning from America, I’d packed in my full-time position at Ducati and had accepted a freelance position as a race mechanic. This started my chapter working in motorsport at the circuits that I had spent so many hours at growing up…I knew my Dad would be so proud of me, which was another huge breakthrough in my journey with grief and healing.

This whole experience and story just makes me reflect on why travel is so important to us; it’s the chance to get away from the mundane and gain new perspectives on our lives – in whatever way that might come to us. I know that a huge life-changing event doesn’t happen on every trip, but I do believe that you come back from each holiday a slightly different person. I think this is one of the reasons why I’m missing travel so much, I love having my beliefs challenged and discovering a new part of myself.

Have you ever had an overwhelming moment of clarity like this when you’ve been away? Do you feel like this about holidays or do you think I’m just having an over-reflective moment as I’m missing all of these things? I would love to hear your thoughts on this, as I know it’s a bit of a different topic for me but it’s something I really wanted to share with you all.

Emilie

The Female Engineer