I wrote this blog back in May as described in the following paragraph, and whilst the race team has battled a lot of adversity over the past few months, I wanted to share this exactly as I wrote it originally. I am working on a follow-up to talk more about the race team and how this season has gone so far, but for now please enjoy this ramble from me learning about cognitive restructuring and chasing a dream.
As I type this, I am sitting at the top of Craner Curves at my second race weekend back in the British Superbike paddock. My journey to getting back here was an interesting one, inspired by Tony Robbins’ “Awaken the Giant Within” book that I was reading last summer. It made me stop and think, realising that I needed to reframe my learned truths about my working life and actually remember what it is that I love doing. It was time to delve into cognitive restructuring, and run a practical test to see where I ended up after working through some new theories.
When I joined JCB on my higher apprenticeship back in 2015, I knew I wouldn’t be able to maintain a full-time job, studying for a degree one day a week and also go racing. My decision to step away from motorsport was helped as Mark decided he wasn’t going to continue MWR Motorsports, and I honestly couldn’t imagine myself working for anyone else in the paddock. That team rapport, organisation and the fun we had really was unmatched for me, and I didn’t really want to be a part of other teams at that point.
So I decided to focus on my degree and my new journey transitioning from a mechanic to an engineer, which ironically was always so I could further my career in motorsport in the future. This period of time extended past getting my degree, with the pandemic not exactly inspiring taking on extracurricular activities and travelling across the country. Then there was the Ruroc debacle (read all about that at Mistakes: 5 Reasons Why you Should Admit and Own your Mistakes – The Female Engineer), which really clipped my wings and confidence, and I was exhausted commuting nearly 500 miles a week.
The most recent part of my engineering career has brought me an amazing work-life balance, which in all honesty I had just been enjoying after years of long commutes, studying and being pulled in a million different directions. My new workplace is a whole 2.5 miles away, which is the shortest commute I’ve ever had! But I hadn’t really thought about going racing again, as I had managed to fully turn that part of my brain off with cognitive restructuring that I was totally unaware of.
This is a concept which I hadn’t heard of, or even acknowledged in myself, until I was halfway through ‘Awake the Giant Within’. Tony talked about how your brain can turn off certain neural connections, which if you don’t then start firing along again, you actually physically forget that you enjoy something. I was reading this, and realised right there and then that I had done this with racing. Since I left BSB in 2015 I hadn’t really enjoyed watching motorsport, and had seemed to completely lose interest in racing. Reading that this was a physical brain trait made me understand that whilst I had to “turn it off” so I could focus on my degree, I had actually managed to do such a good job I had forgotten that it was something that was so important to me!
That was the first part of the revelation reading this book, and the second came a bit further through when he talked about our learned assumptions and truths about ourselves. We as humans take so many things to heart that we don’t even realise, and don’t really stop to challenge those assumptions.
“Beliefs become limitations for future decisions about who you are and what you’re capable of. Most of our beliefs are generalizations about our past based on our interpretations of painful and pleasurable experiences. Once accepted, our beliefs become unquestioned commands to our nervous systems, and they have the power to expand or destroy the possibilities of our present and future. If we want to direct our lives, we must take conscious control over our beliefs” ~ Tony Robbins
Just stop and think about something that you might assume is the truth about yourself, just because that’s what you might have been told in your childhood. Do you automatically say you’re rubbish at something? Is that actually the truth, or were you just told that and have continued to hold that in your brain as a “truth”?
For me, I had convinced myself that I had to choose between a job in the “real world” or the motorsport world, and that I couldn’t make both work as an engineer. I told myself that full time in motorsport was the only way I could get an engineering role, and that would involve a lot of sacrifices and life upheavals to make happen…which wasn’t something I was prepared to do. So I had just told myself it couldn’t work, and I should just be happy as I was doing well and enjoying my career as a mechanical engineer.
It was only when I read this chapter of the book, that I actually stopped to think about it. I could hear myself trotting out the same line when people asked me about racing, and I realised that I had done such a good job convincing myself that I couldn’t do both, that I hadn’t properly thought about it. I realised that with my new job (well, 2 years in now but there we go), I had fully regained my confidence in my skills and knew I was pretty good at what I did. I had a great work-life balance, with a short commute, flexible hours and a short working day on a Friday. So why couldn’t I make racing work alongside that?
The more I thought about it, the more I realised it was a very viable option, and Jack was 100% behind me chasing my passion again. The cognitive restructuring was taking place, with me consciously aware that I had neglected my passion for motorsport over the past few years. I spoke with my manager and talked it through, and my work were really supportive of me pursuing this extra “hobby” alongside the day job. I managed to negotiate flexibility to compress my hours during a race week and then have Fridays off without using any leave, so the time came to put the feelers out to try and land a position back with a race team.
Which I guess brings us to today, and the time where I am furthering my motorsport journey working as a Data Engineer in the British Talent Cup. I was approached by Alan (Crew Chief) who saw my post on Linked In and was really keen to get me on board with the team. I knew nothing about the championship so I did my research, where I found that they raced prototype Honda NSF 250cc race bikes in the “Road to MotoGP” series run by Dorna (MotoGP organisers). All of this was enough to peak my interest and go to meet the team, where I agreed to come on board for the eight rounds that make up the 2024 season. Seven of these are alongside the British Superbike Championship, but the highlight is certainly going to be in August when we are a support class at the British MotoGP round at Silverstone.
I was a bit apprehensive about coming back, and even though it’s made my summer a heck of a lot busier, being sat here at Craner Curves really feels like it’s the right thing to be doing. I am looking after two of the more junior riders in our team, working as an acting Crew Chief leading their post-session de-briefs, doing some rider coaching and doing the data analysis on their bikes. The position is exactly what I worked hard to upheave my life and get my degree for nine years ago, and it really does feel like a full circle moment having made it to where I hoped to be all those years ago.
Who knows if this is going to be a long-term thing, but regardless I can be proud of myself that I have achieved what I set out to do so long ago. Whilst it’s slightly tenuous, but working in a race series organised by Dorna and being a support race for MotoGP, I can definitely say I have almost hit the crazy dream that has been filling my brain for the past 20 years.
All I can say is, if you used to love something, why don’t you give it another go to see if you had just forgotten you loved it…if you don’t, then it doesn’t matter, but at least you will know that chapter of your life has closed. And my parting sentiment would be, as ever, never give up on chasing those dreams and believing that you can build a life that you are hyped to live every single morning.
If this blog has made you curious about Tony Robbins’ book, check out the Goodreads page for this. I would highly recommend it if you are interested in cognitive restructuring, and self improvement in whatever context that might be! Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny! by Tony Robbins | Goodreads
Emilie
The Female Engineer
